just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize