She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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