I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
