Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
