So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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