A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Success! We fucked roommates!
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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