Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
