theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
This couple is walking their pig around campus
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
