I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
