Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
