Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
