And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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