i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
