i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
