Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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