I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
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