you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
