I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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