i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
