I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
