So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Randomize
