If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
