your parents love me but you hate me
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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