Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
