we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
