she was so not down for the gang bang
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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