It's Friday. Sex?
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
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