we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
