Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
