one two three fourrrrnication!
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
