wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
