Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
