remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Randomize
