direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
