I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize