Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
