I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
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