Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
