it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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