I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
3pm strippers are depressing
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Randomize
