Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
