We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
