so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
