She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
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