It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
