I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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