Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
