Sry I called you an 8
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
