Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
