At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
