Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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