how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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