Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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