I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
