While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
The Olympian is in my bed
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
