I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Randomize
