so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
