i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
