She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Is Oprah even human
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Randomize
