Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
