Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
