my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
