Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
