I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
