Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
