Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
The best revenge is premature balding
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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