Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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