The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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