I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
