Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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