Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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