well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
