Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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