He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
