Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Randomize
