You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
