he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
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