wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
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